In what is surely the most unsurprising news item in the history of, well… news… items… Rockstar Games has officially announced that Grand Theft Auto V — arguably one of the most popular and controversial video games franchises ever — is indeed real and is currently in development.
As if we all didn’t already know this. But whatever. Let’s not nitpick things needlessly, yes?
That’s not all, though, as you’ve surely already surmised from the title (you sly fox you!). The much more tantalizingly exciting and newsworthy portion of Rockstar’s announcement focused on the actual and official release date of the GTAV trailer, which is slated for November 2nd, 2011 in case you’ve already forgotten.
While there are currently more rumors regarding GTA5 than there are molecules in the universe, there are several which are more or less widely-regarded as being based more on actual truth than the ones more on batshit-insane theories probably conjured up in someone’s parents basement.
But since we’re all about giving you, our dear DEAR reader, everything your little 8-bit modeled heart desires (and then some!) we’ve kindly mapped out the most likely of these rumors below. Hey, there’s no need to thank us — it’s just what we do, yo!
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1. Grand Theft Auto V’s storyline will focus on corrupt bankers and/or mortgage solicitors
If you remember from a few months back, some savvy, possessing-entirely-too-much-free-time-than-was-likely-good-for-them GTA fan(s) traced several domain registrations back to Rockstar Games‘ official account. They consisted of CarolinaBrokers.com, CaliforniaHomesBroker.com and MyrtleBeachAttorney.com.
While I didn’t witness it first-hand, apparently the sites in question were dead-ringers for Rockstar Games hilariously critical of pop-culture and current events sense of humor. When you combine this with the fact that the V in Grand Theft Auto V — per the official logo (pictured for your convenience below!) just released — is designed in such a way that it evokes thoughts of it resembling money, well… you’re a smart fellow (or fellette!) aren’t you? You can surely Scooby-Doo-together the rest, yes? Excellent!
Judging from Rockstar Games unfailing, unflinching and unbiased look at popular culture and current events in their past games, it’s probably a mortal lock that corrupt bankers and mortgagers will be worked into the main storyline somehow. How much so, though, remains to be seen… (Duh, duh, duhhhh!)
<Kindly insert a catchy, hip tune supplemented by sounds of police sirens, explosions, gunfire and the frightened yelps of petrified citizens here>
2. Existing Characters Will Either Factor Into The Storyline Somehow Or Return Via Cameos
This is more or less a given, obviously, but the real debate that’s been raging on has more to do with the specific mystery of just which characters from past GTA games will return.
There are some entirely-too-in-depth-for-real-life discussions about this going on all throughout the Interwebs, so if you want to participate in said debates that are so exhaustively and thoroughly dissecting casting page leaks from the game’s development dumpsters, by all means, head off on your journey. The rest of us sane people will calmly wait for leaks and rumors that do not require us creating our own several-foot timeline of the entire Grand Theft Auto multiverse.
Hey, have fun, though!
3. There Will Be More Than One Playable Character
Oh, SNAP!
Yes, that’s right. We saved the best for last boys and girls. As should always be done whenever and wherever possible in our express opinion.
Likely hot on the tails of the success of Grand Theft Auto 4′s downloadable content “episodes” — both of which followed characters and storylines completely different from our boy Nikos’ in the main game — Grand Theft Auto V is all but a mortal lock to contain multiple playable characters. And that’s without having to shell out an extra $10 – $15 in order to access them!
Or at least, that’s what we’re hoping there on that last part…
As we all anxiously await for the official trailer’s release a week from this coming Thursday, be sure to check back (see: bookmark and/or homepage us — you know you want to!) in with us here at OWNT for more breaking video gaming news, reviews, rumors and thought-provoking pieces that (we’re told) make most excellent bathroom reading.
Until next time — stay regular!
